Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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