Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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