I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
