Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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