i always forget guys have bellybuttons
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
