Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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