What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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