WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
