yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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