Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
