I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
