i was born a porn star she said
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Don't EVER smell your tampon
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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