Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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