just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
