i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
