Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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