Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
