$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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