I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
