please come you make the beer taste better
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize