How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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