That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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