So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
