I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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