i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
