I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
