we have pet lesbian snakes
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
