If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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