maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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