Pappa wants mamma naked
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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