South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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