My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
