I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
