I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
