it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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