i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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