It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
