Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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