The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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