I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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