it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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