You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
