her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
