Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
