I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
