If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
