And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
