Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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