it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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