walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
