Sponge bath it is.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
