I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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