You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
