Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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