Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
