happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize