I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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