everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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