just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
