I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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