Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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