come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I will be naked everywhere
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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