I bet he comes in French.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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