Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
