After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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