i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
