There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
