I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
